Through life lost
by golden-eyed-lover
Summary: What would have happened if Edward had been too late in Twilight... All canon pairings.
1. Failure is bittersweet

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, I'm purely just borrowing them to keep my addiction to twilight fueled! Thankyou :D**

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**Bella P.O.V**

I wasn't aware of much, except the intense and agonizing heat blasting through my body, fire spreading rapidly through my veins. I had often reflected on what it would be like to make the transition, the change, from breakable to unbeatable, but never had I prepared myself for this.

My vision was blurred, my surroundings were spinning around me, and I struggled to focus on the faces in front of me. I picked out the face closest to my own, and I recognized Edwards beautiful amber eyes, glazed over with sheer pain of what was happening to me. I tried to speak, but words failed me and the only noise that flew from my lips were gut wrenching screams of agony, each one adding to the pain visible in his eyes.

"Then find the will to stop. But choose. She only has minutes left." Carlisles voice filtered into my fever-like thoughts, and I could hear crackling, tearing, shrieking in the background as Carlisle's coven shredded and burned the vampire that had done this to me. The fire was growing more frenzied, and even though all of my senses screamed at me that I should be dying, part of me registered that I had never felt more alive, that my heart had never beat so fast. The heat was starting to take over, it was starting to consume me, my body broken and torn.

"I'm going to make it go away Bella." Through the darkness, I heard his voice. His voice was that of an angels, it soothed the torment that was plaguing my body and my mind. I could hear the anguish and distress that dripped off of every syllable, and it was bittersweet. For witnessing Edwards pain only reminded me of the searing, scorching heat that rolled through me, reminding me that I was the reason for his despair. I had no control over my body, my limbs were jerking and twitching and I could feel ice cold hands on my head and my wrists, securing me against the chilled, hard floor of the ballet studio. I opened my eyes once again, searching for Edwards face. I was unable to focus this time, the world before me just a haze of lights, colors and red. Blood red.

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**Edward P.O.V**

I couldn't think straight, Bella's screams were driving me to distraction, I was going half crazy inside my head. I knew that I only had one chance, but the smell of her blood, it was intoxicating. I could already taste the venom that had started coating my teeth, my lips pulled back in an expression of lust and horror. I hadn't realized the extent of Bella's wounds, or the amount of blood that was pouring from her gnarled leg, and I hadn't stopped myself breathing in the scent of her.

But I wouldn't let her become a monster, not because of my selfishness, my lack of ability to stay away from her. I was the reason that she lay there, dying. I looked down at her, her wild, scruffy chestnut hair spread around her head like a halo. Her eyes were rolled back into her head, as if she was having some kind of fit, and I knew that the venom was starting to consume her. I brought her pale, ivory wrist to my lips, for I was determined to suck the venom out, to stop the change.

I felt her rapid pulse beneath my uncertain lips, and as I slowly settled my lips over the crescent shaped gauge, I had to remind myself not to breathe. I knew that if I caught just one whiff of her blood now, I would be out of control. I wouldn't be able to stop and I would drain her body of blood, killing her in the process. I could not let that happen! I started to suck at the wound, and I suddenly felt her warm, sweet blood running over my tongue and down into my throat. It tasted, oh... so good...

And that's when the monster inside of me kicked in, I couldn't stop. Her blood was as addictive as I imagined it to be, it called to me, I had never desired anyone's blood the way I had with Bella. I wanted to rip, tear and savage at her broken body, to drain every drop of blood that she held. I wanted to drink it all, to taste the sweet metallic tang, to feel the release and satisfaction that it gave me.

"Edward! Stop! You must, the change is already in process, the venom had already spread to her heart. Listen Edward! I know its hard, but you must stop... You will kill her otherwise!" My head snapped up, my eyes narrowed and a growl escaped from my throat. I felt possessive, dominating. My athletic body was tense and crouching low, ready to pounce on anyone who was a threat to my meal. Bella was mine, her blood was mine. I looked down at her, her still, battered body lying there and the bloodlust lessened, only to be replaced by a deep and sudden fear that I had killed her. Beneath me, her body convulsed and I was aware once again of the beating of her heart, relief flooding through me that I hadn't ended her life. I had been so close though, so, terrifyingly close to leaving her pale and lifeless on the wooden flooring. Her heart was beating rapidly, so fast that I had no doubt that she was in the process of changing, for no human could still be alive at the pace it was racing at. Grief and sorrow coursed through my body, as she lay there, her body twitching and her eyes closed, her face a mask of pain. I mourned the loss of her heartbeat, the beautiful rose-coloured blush that graced her face so often, the distinct sound of her heartbeat, and the lifeblood that ran through her veins. For once the change was over, she would be dead. No more heartbeat, no more blood. I had failed her, I had failed Bella. I had failed to protect her, and I had failed to stop the change. In three days time, Bella would wake to a new life, full of sorrow and full of bloodlust. It was never the life I would have chosen for her. I had promised to make it stop, and I had failed her.

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**Please review guys, let me know what you think. If you enjoyed it, I'll definateley carry on!**


	2. Absense makes the heart grow hotter?

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, I'm purely just borrowing them to keep my addiction to twilight fueled! Thankyou :D**

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**Alices P.O.V**

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I knew the change would happen, sooner rather than later. When Bella had first entered Forks Highschool, I had known that she would be the one to love Edward. I had been hunting with Jasper, my lips sunken deep into the jugular of a stray deer when the vision had hit me. I had seen her, an angel in her new body, perfection oozing from every pore and it had taken my breath away. Not that breathing made any difference to me being alive, or dead. My cold, still heart had warmed at the love that I knew would blossom between them.

However, the only thing that could cause me to worry now was that in my vision, Bella's eyes hadn't lightened to the same honeyed, caramel colour that we all had, a side effect to our different lifestyle. For instead of consuming human blood, as our body's desired, we drank the blood of animals. We did our best to ignore the burning sensation in our throats whenever we smelt the tantalising fragrance of a human, for none of us were given a choice to become immortal, and none of us wanted to be monsters.

Throughout the world, most vampires caved into their cravings, becoming wild and heartless, not sparing a thought for the lives that they cut short. The Cullen family were different. We had a permanent residence in the small town of Forks, Washington. Carlisle, the head of the family and a doctor in the main hospital, deals with blood every day, yet manages to resist the lure of our kind and saves humans lives. The respect that our Coven had for him, well its unmeasurable.

"Alice, Jasper, - Bella is entering a new stage of her change. Shes getting stronger. Esme and I would appreciate it if you joined us as soon as you are able too. Rosalie and Emmett have just left to hunt, the scent of Bellas blood still has not completely faded yet." Carlisles call interrupted my thoughts of my family, it still amazed me to think about what I had been blessed with in this cursed life.

I turned my head towards Jasper, my eyes catching sight of his face, sparkling like crystal cut diamonds in the sunlight, his body bent in a protective crouch over the corpse of a deer. He was truly breathtaking, his beauty amazed me. He rose up from the deer, and ran towards me, faster than humanly possible. His speed, his grace, his elegance – astounding. We joined together, our hands entwining and our fingers gently grazing over each others, as we ran back to our home, through the darkening woods.

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**Jasper's P.O.V**

I could feel the angst, pain, and fire flood my senses as I neared towards the house. I was running at a inhumanly fast pace, Alice holding onto my hand as we practically flew through the trees. My gift was the ability to feel what others felt, and to control their emotions to a certain extent. I started to send waves of calm, and strength towards the house, hoping that I could help Bella, by easing her torment, even just slightly. I didn't know if I was having any effect on her, I wouldn't know until she woke up. Bella's scent hit my nostrils, and my muscles tensed in reaction to the burning it brought to my throat. I still had composure, and control of myself, as we had only just freshly hunted and Bella's scent was becoming less and less appealing, the further along her change she went. I don't know how she had managed to escape Alice and I's watch, but now the whole family were suffering the repercussions, Edward especially. The guilt, sorrow and self hatred that had radiated from him was heart breaking. Alice was happy that Bella had turned, no longer needing to worry about her safety while she was in our home. No longer needing to worry about how vulnerable, how breakable she was. She was now a proper part of the family, and I saw her purely as a sister now, instead of the fragile, tempting human whose blood I wanted to drink so badly.

We both slowed our pace, and entered the house. We ran up to Carlisles study, where he had created a small makeshift medical room for Bella. It was plain except for a large bed, for while she was not conscious and moving about, when the heat coursed through her body she would jerk out and spasm. Carlisle had also hooked up a screen so that we could watch her heartbeat, her pulse and her vital signs. This way, we could see how close she was to waking up, waking up in a new body, to a new life, in a completely new world.

She lay there, pale as a ghost and the pain that emanated from her body made me weak, and once again I sent out a wave of calm. I felt no change in Bellas feelings, and this was all the proof I needed that my gift wasn't helping her, but I still hoped. I hated the thought of anyone going through the change, as when remembering my own transformation, it still brought out painful, hazy memories. She was progressing quickly, her skin had hardened already, her body had become more muscular, toned, and her hair had grown almost down to her waist. She would be strong as a newborn, fast and almost unbeatable.

I planned on staying there, by her side for a couple more hours. Carlisles theory that having people who love her, surround her, it might help her feel more relaxed through the change. Once again, my only choice was to hope. Alice and I stood there by her bed, hands entwined, whilst I silently sent off waves of calm, numbness and strength.

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**Bella's P.O.V**

I couldn't breathe, the heat was soaring through me, burning every inch of skin that it passed. I was trapped, swirling around in a mass of pain, unable to control my body. I wasn't ready for this. I didn't know if I would make it through. Did I need determination to keep going until the end? What if my body just gave up? I knew that in my heart that this was what I wanted, to be with Edward. I had fallen in love, so much that it hurt me to be separated from him, even for just a few hours. Even though my heart screamed at me that this was the path I had already chosen, all I wanted was for the pain to stop.

I tried again to open my eyes, but I couldn't quite remember how to. It was as if my brain was not connecting to my eyes, that my thoughts were unable to register as actions. I had never felt this helpless. '_Where is he?_' These words floated around my thoughts, constantly coming up to the surface, adding more pain to the fire that singed and scorched my aching, burning heart. Edward hadn't been in to see me yet. Throughout my change the Cullen family had been by my side, taking it in turns to stand with me, trying to relax and calm me. It was most often Esme and Carlisle, who had tried to put a needle of some kind into my arm, to inject morphine I imagined, but had given up as my skin shattered the seventh needle. I was aware of so much going on around me, even though I couldn't see, my senses had heightened drastic amounts. I could distinguish between scents now, I could tell the difference between Rosalie, Alice, and Esme, and the same with the men. I could hear the roar of engines down on the freeway, at least two miles away. Each member of the family had a distinct touch, and Edwards was the only one I hadn't felt. He was the only one I hadn't heard. And the only scent that I hadn't memorized. _Where was he?_

His absence worried me. I don't remember anything from before it all turned red, when the venom finally reached into my heart and consumed me fully. I tried to reach into my memory, pluck at the grainy clip that I stored away, but its too far away to grasp. What if he had been hurt? What if he had been torn apart and burnt, maybe Victoria or Laurent had come back for him?

There was a voice of reason in my head, and I was sure that Edward was safe, as I had been able to hear snippets of conversation from throughout the house, even those in rooms farthest from me. If Edward had been injured or even killed, I would have heard something whilst eavesdropping. I didn't know what was worse. That, or that I had finally become immortal, durable, unbreakable, yet his absence gave off an impression of abandonment and rejection. He had once nearly left Town, so afraid of killing me that he didn't think he could stay. Yet he said he coudln't stay away from me, now surely I was everything he wanted? _I love you Edward, if by any miracle you can hear me, please... Sit with me. I need you to get me through. _I willed my thoughts to find him, I needed him to overcome the fire.

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**Please review guys and let me know what you think! I know this isn't exactly the same writing style as chapter 1, that's one of my faults that I'm trying to work on. Please keep in mind this is the first story I've really written, so if anyone has any tips or hints please review and let me know. A minute of your time to tell me if you love it or hate it would be much appreciated! Really enjoying this so far though, so I'm hoping you guys are too!**


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